Silent Humor

By Mr D Stevens

 Movie Reviews this week looks at the comedy The Slammin’ Salmon.

The Slammin’ Salmon is one of the most craziest comedy movies you will see all year, absolutely hilarious from beginning to end.

It stars Michael Duncan Clarke (The Big Mile) as Cleon “Slammin’” Salmon also known as “The Champ”, a retired former heavy weight boxing champion, who has opened a restaurant The Slamming Salmond, where customers are waited on by a very competitive crew of waiters.

The fun begins when Cleon tells the restaurant’s manager Rich Ferrente played by Kevin Heffernan (Beerfest), that he owes 20,000 dollars to a Yakuza friend, and Rich must make 20,000 dollars tonight from the restaurant’s takings or he will be in for a rollicking.

Rich in his panic conveys to the staff that there will be a prize for the waiter that generates the most cash that night, and competition begins amongst the waiters, Nuts played by the hilarious Jay Chandrasekhar (Beerfest, The Dukes of Hazzard), who normally takes his medication or else he turns into his alter-ego Zongo (and you just know somehow he is going to forget to take his medication), there is an absolute classic scene, where Nuts/Zongo is trying to serve a salmon to one of the customers, but in his mind all the customers at that particular table are cats, he thinks he is lovingly holding the salmon while the cats all feed on it, while he asks “what does it taste like”? But in reality he is forcefully shoving the salmond down the throat of an unfortunate customer.

One of the waiters Connor played by Steve Lemme (Beerfest), used to be the main lead on a TV show CFI Hot Lanta (an obvious parody of CSI: Las Vegas and its spin offs), but he lost his job, and embarrassingly has to go back to waiting tables at The Slamming Salmond, but ofcourse his colleagues especially Guy played by Erik Stolhanske (Beerfest), can’t wait for tidbits on others stars in the show, such as Morgan Fairchild who makes a guest appearance as herself.

Mia played by the gorgeous April Bowlby (Two and a half men), is in ballerina school, and aims to win the prize as the waiter able to bring in the most cash, but she is about to get involved in an accident that might ruin her chances entirely. The chef Dave played by Paul Soter (Beerfest), has got his socially awkward twin brother Donnie (also played by Paul Soter) a job as a waiter, and he is also thrust into the competition, but is soon corrupted by Connor, who equally has eyes on the prize, as well as Tara, played by the gorgeous Cobie Smulders (The L Word), a medical student, who along with trying to fight for the prize, has to prevent Nuts from turning into Zongo, by making sure he takes his medication.

The Slammin’ Salmond has superb acting, with all the cast in the movie having excellent comedy timing especially Michael Duncan Clarke as the ominous boss, and the movie has great cameos, notably from Sendhil Ramamurty (Dr. Suresh in Heroes) as Marlon Spencer who has brought his girlfriend Samara Dubois played by the gorgeous Oliva Munn; to propose to her, but is about to get into a spot of bother with the engagement ring.

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How The Art Of The Unspoken Word Can Be Funny

Movie Reviews Randy and The Mob

By Mr D Stevens

 This is a well made comedy drama, starring Ray McKinnon in two roles as Randy Pearson, a good natured happy go lucky “big shot” who owns a number of businesses, but is currently in a financial mess, and Cecil his twin brother.

Randy happens to borrow money from a loan shark, which unbeknown to him is connected with the Mob. Soon afterwards he starts getting phone calls from a Mob guy, Franco played by Paul Ben-Victor (Tombstone) as to when and how he is going to settle his debt, Randy tries to explain that as hard as he has tried he cannot come up with the money for the debt as well as his increasing debt with the IRS (Internal Revenue Service).

After asking around and finding out that he could be in some serious trouble with the Mafia, Randy contemplates selling one of his businesses to Elmore Culpepper where Burt Reynolds (Boogie Nights) does a short cameo.

Surprisingly Franco has a solution to his financial troubles, and that involves sending Tino Armani played surprisingly well by Walton Goggins (unrecognisable from his character in The Shield), to sort out his financial troubles, even so much as to pay off the IRS. On their first meeting Randy is amazed to find out that Tino has the same country dialect as he does, to which Tino responds he never judges people by the pigment in their skin or their dialect. After a while Randy is even more impressed by how seemingly good natured Tino is, and soon all in the small community are besotted by Tino. He even manages to improve the menu on one of Randy’s restaurant businesses that had so many people queueing to get in when Randy arrived he automatically assumed there was an incident and that the police had been called. At this stage it should be mentioned Randy has an on-going problem with one of the local law enforcement officers Griff Postell, played by Brent Briscoe (Mulholland Drive) who seems to have it in for him at every opportunity, since Griff blames him for a “whooping” he gave him in the third grade, which many witnessed, but Griff subsequently gave Randy a “whooping” in the sixth grade, but unfortunately no one witnessed it.

As well as trying to solve his financial troubles, Randy has to cope with his wife Charlotte, played by the lovely Lisa Blount (The Accountant) newly acquired Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from dancing lessons she has been giving, which has left her a little depressed, and trying to patch the relationship with his gay twin brother and his partner Bill played by Tim DeKay (The Russell Girl). A relationship Randy has never accepted, much to the annoyance of his twin and his partner.

This is a surprisingly genial comedy drama, and it contains some classic scenes, especially where Randy is on the phone to Franco while at a rubbish tip.

Ray McKinnon is effortlessly adept between the two roles, and it is an entertaining movie many will enjoy.

Mr D Stevens is a reviewer at Movie reviews

Movie reviews The Assassination of a High School President

By Mr D Stevens

 Movie reviews this week looks at the suspense thriller The Assassination of a High School President.

It stars Reece Thompson as Bobby Funke (he constantly has to remind everyone his name is not “funky” but it doesn’t stop anyone from calling him that) and the lovely Mischa Barton (St. Trinians) as Francesca Fachini, the girlfriend of the High School President.

Bobby is trying to write a paper for the local school and from it get acceptance into North Western’s journalist programme, he first has to get the approval of the head columnist Clara played by Melonie Diaz (Be Kind Rewind) who Bobby also likes, but
not as much as he likes the girlfriend of the High School President Patrick Moore played by Paul Taylor, something about this reminds me of “Bart got a room”.

It turns out someone has stolen the entire schools SAT’s from the Principal’s locker, Principal Kirkpatrick a former war veteran who doesn’t waste anytime reminding the students how patriotic it is to fight for one’s country, played hilariously by Bruce Willis (Die Hard). He apparently has a list of the usual suspects, and calls them in, including Bobby, Bobby innocently asks the reason why he has been summoned, to which Principal Kirkpatrick says “for chewing gum”. Apparently Principal Kirkpatrick is a stickler about gum chewing, there is a funny scene where Bobby is trying to convey some important information to the Principal, but replies after a much heated conversation with “is that gum in your mouth”?

Bobby is given an opportunity to find out who stole the schools SAT’s by the Principal, and he sees this as his big chance to get into North Western, if he can identify the thief/thieves with a well written story.

Although unrealistic, he takes the role of an investigative journalist, interviewing all the suspects, and they all seem candid, which is a little unrealistic for high school, but that doesn’t ruin a great story.

There is a well played scene, where Bobby is interviewing the little sister of the High School President, Chrissy Moore played by Gabrielle Brennan, she tells him she will tell him all of Patrick’s secrets if he gets her a unicorn, to which he replies unicorns aren’t real, and she makes a scowl pointing at she wants one of the unicorn dolls they are surrounded by.

In his investigations Bobby inevitably gets the attention of the current High School President’s girlfriend, and amazing as it seems she falls for him after his article, much to the surprise of all involved, there is a great scene where he asks her what she sees in him, to which she replies she gets the feeling he would still look at her in the same way if there was no school.

He also interviews the Vice-President played by Luke Grimes (Ryan Lafferty in Brothers and Sisters), the half-brother of Francesca, who seems at first to have no problems with Byron going out with his half-sister.

It is an interesting story, focusing on the challenges of high school for acceptance, and getting along with those who are popular. It also has a few unforeseen twists and plots that makes it that little bit more interesting, and Bobby gets to find out that not everything is what it seems.

Mr D Stevens is a reviewer at Movie reviews

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